My spouse filed for divorce. What can I do?
This question we hear a lot. Unfortunately, for many people, this is the ultimate wake-up call. Your partner probably was giving you some hints, clues, that their needs are not met. Finally, they decided to take this step because their “love tank dried” and they have no patience left.
Is there something you can do? Yes, there is. It comes back to communication.
“You can’t fix the problem from the same place you created it. “
- Albert Einstein
If your spouse filed for divorce, most likely you didn’t understand when they were giving you signs that something is not right. That they are not happy, that they need something.
To learn how to read those signs you must learn better communication.
LionHeart Tip One of the best things you can do is STOP DIVORCE is to ask your spouse for time. Be specific. Ask for a month or any other period and show initiative. Offer a couple of coaching or therapy and ask your spouse to be a part of it. In 95% of cases, people always say yes to this.
How can I reverse divorce?
We need to be honest with you. Your spouse did not make the decision overnight. I wasn’t one event that lead them to ask for a divorce, and you cannot change their decision overnight too.
However, we guarantee that there is something you can do about it. It will be a process. For some couples takes weeks for some months to reconcile. Rebuild trust. Bring back intimacy.
Marriage is teamwork. It takes two people's effort. If one person currently checks out, you need to arm yourself with patience and commitment to learning.
Whatever their motive for divorce is here are a few things that you can do instantly, to make them feel better and breakthrough resentment:
Make a safe space
It means to honor their decision
Listen rather than argue
Stay calm and try to understand their motives
Let them do whatever their decide
The next step will be to learn how to be an empath and have good boundaries and use it to change the course of your marriage?
If you haven’t learned that by yourself till now most likely you won't do it. That’s why we recommend finding professional help. A skilled marriage coach will guide you to discover patterns that are harmful to your marriage and transform them.
It’s all good it is not your fault that you don’t have those skills. We are not taught this at school. Congratulate yourself that you are willing to do the work and change it.
LionHeart Tip Divorce lawyer or attorney costs much more than professional coaching services. Mention that to your spouse and offer this as a “last chance”.
The process of bringing your spouse back
We know that if you are seeing a divorce paper in front of you you might feel like a whole world fell apart. Anger, sadness, stress, disappointment. Those emotions come when we hear “divorce”.
No divorce story is a happy story. There are plenty of books about marriage and relationships but no divorce book. Why? Because divorce agrrements are difficult. No one want’s to become a divorced man or divorced woman.
That’s why we prepared this ultimate divorce help article.
So how can you bring your spouse back?
Learn marriage communication
It’s not about being right, but about being happy
Implement “We” thinking
You are not a lone wolf. Make your decisions from the “we” perspective
Gather more information
Commit to learning more about your spouse and what they need to be happy
95% of marriages can be safe with a good coaching program
Marriage coaching it’s not a cost it is an investment
LionHeart Tip Check yourself how much you know about your spouse. Make a list of their favourite activities, food, colors, music, films, and check your list with them. You might be surprised that the answers are not actually what you might expect. That opens doors for discussion not only about hobbies but also about the future.
No matter how serious your divorce situation is, now advance your divorce is, how long it’s been hanging out in the air you should not by yourself in this situation. If your spouse checks out and is not willing to talk with you, live with you, negotiate with you, to make any progress or change in the situation and your mental and emotional state, you must start learning new skills and abilities you don’t have.
Dealing with a divorce is not easy for anyone. We are on your side, we wish you all the best and fingers crossed that you can find a solution and reverse the divorce situation.
Whatever will happen you need support. To get your spouse back or to deal with an actual divorce. Putting ahead in the sand and pretending nothing is happening, everything is fine might cost you your health.
LionHeart Tip Your most important divorce agreement is an agreement to your own personal growth.
Eric's marriage story
“I started seeking help and direction the week after my wife came to me with the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" statement. I worked with a couple of programs coaches, then met Linda and soon started working with LionHeart.
I was searching for understanding, acceptance, and honest help. While working with Linda, I gained the knowledge of what weaknesses were and how to improve myself to become a better communicator and express myself as a better husband. Through all this work we have done, I have learned that no matter where my marriage leads that I am and will be ok. I will be ready to take whichever path life deals me with courage and compassion.
When participating in the group sessions, I found something inside me that I did not know was there and was empty. The interaction with the others in the group gives me grace and hope that we all can work together and build each other while building ourselves into better humans and spouses.
The internal growth I've gained cannot be taken from me while getting a chance to give someone maybe a boost in their life gives me the highest level of gratitude. The coaching and groups will provide you with the support that's hard to find with family and friends, which I struggled with and know others are and will be. If anyone is contemplating joining or having a session with Linda, Sarah, and other coaches with LionHeart, I recommended jumping in and trying it.
It is life-altering and will improve your life no matter what!”
Congratulations to Eric!