We all hear about diet to lose weight or improve health. What about the health of your marriage? What should be the right marriage nutrition? How to keep the marriage in good shape and lose heavy conflicts for good? What other scenes from marriage come to your mind?
In this article, you will learn:
how to improve communication in your marriage
how to pull your spouse closer to you
how to design marriage rituals
how to avoid divorce
how to bring back spark and passion
Are you ready to start your journey? Create harmony and consolidation in your marriage? Stay till the end of the article.
You are the only person who has the power to transform your marriage! Don’t wait for the unicorns and fairies. Nope, they are not coming to save your marriage. You are the one who must take action!
Let’s get started from the beginning….
What is the Definition of Marriage
Depending on the couture, ethnicity, religion, and personal factors marriage is defined differently.
However, the most common and formal definition that you might find says that marriage is a union and social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally.
Being married also gives legitimacy to sexual relations within the marriage. Traditionally, marriage is often viewed as having a key role in the preservation of morals and civilization.
This is just a quick reminder for you on what we are actually talking about. Think now for a while what was actually your marriage definition when you decided to get married? Do you believe in marriage at first sight?
LionHeart Tip Write down your personal marriage definition. Things that in your opinion are creating a perfect marriage. No judgment. It’s your own personal desire. Check with your spouse if they share a similar approach? If what they say coincides with what you wrote on your list?
They are like the marriage nutrition plan. They define a recipe for a healthy marriage. They set a strong foundation for a lifetime of unity and bliss together.
Wedding wishes are usually recited during the wedding but there is nothing against refreshing and rechecking them any time when you feel your marriage needs it.
Although it is recommended that you will write your own vows with your partner many couples like to recite powerfully, centuries-old marriage vows from different cultures.
Some vows include core principles and beliefs that transcendent both culture and faith.
LionHeart Tip Print your personal marriage vows and hand them on the wall. Even if you recite one of the traditions during your marriage now is the time to refresh and rewrite them. The picture on the wall will remind you about your mission and vision of marriage and inspire you to thrive.
Communication in Marriage
If the vows are a nutrition plan, communication is the ingredient. This is a skill that you need to master not only in your marriage but also in your life. If you improve your communication you will benefit in all of your life areas.
Honestly, no one is teaching us those skills unless you will decide to learn them. That’s why it is not your fault if you are not a good communicator yet. Recognizing that this is something you need to enquire it’s the first step to success.
However, there are certain communication tools that are connected to the marriage directly.
We have them uncover for you:
Listening to learn, instead of listening to win an argument.
Take a “We” strategy in decision making
Recognize your patterns
How does great marriage communication look like?
In a great relationship, couples talk freely, openly, and feel safe sharing their most private thoughts. They comfortably and considerately verbalize their concerns and feelings when difficulties arise and voice their positive thoughts when things are good.
Both partners talk tactfully, staying far from attacking, hurtful or controlling comments. They listen attentively, trying to understand what their partner says with sympathy rather than looking for what’s wrong in what their partner has to say or dismissing what they hear, even if they have a different perspective.
After talking, both people in the marriage feel good about the conversation and feel like their concerns have been considered and addressed. They even look forward to the opportunity to talk with each other, whether about small things or bigger issues that require much work to resolve.
Those are like spices and herbs in our Marriage Diet. A detail that makes a difference. Research shows that couples who have their marriage routine are happier and most likely to stay longer together.
No matter how boring it might sound having scheduled time for romantic dates and evenings really works. It’s easy to get lost in daily duties connected with work and kids. Forget about that actually it alls tares with love to our partner. If we do not literally make time for it we probably won’t have time to find it.
Here are a couple of examples of the ritually that is recommended to put in your calendar and treat it as seriously as any other business or professional duty!
a romantic evening together without kids no matter what once a week
short overnight trip once a month
daily 20 min chat about emotions
family journaling in the morning or evening
once every half year 1-3 weeks trip together
once a month do something that you haven’t do before together
“Couples who play together, stay together”
How to Save your Marriage when spouse filed for divorce
This question we hear a lot. Unfortunately, for many people, this is the ultimate wake-up call. Your partner probably was giving you some hints, clues, that their needs are not met. Finally, they decided to take this step because their “love tank dried” and they have no patience left.
Is there something you can do? Yes, there is. It comes back to communication.
You can’t fix the problem from the same place you created it. If your spouse filed for divorce, most likely you didn’t understand when they were giving you signs that something is not right. That they are not happy, that they need something.
To learn how to read those signs you must learn better communication.
LionHeart Tip Find coaching services that are specialized in marriage problems. They know better how to focus your attention on communication within the marriage.
Difference between Marriage Coaching, Marriage Counseling, and Marriage Therapy.
Couples counseling and couples therapy are theoretically the same. They were designed to help change behaviors, beliefs, feelings, relationship issues, and/or somatic responses (sensations in the body) They focus on the problem itself instead of digging deeper into what caused it.
Coaching on the other hand is designed to involve developing communication, creating self-discipline, building a self-belief system, creating motivation, and improving self-awareness.
In LionHeart we work from the bottom-up. Our coaches look for reasons on why there is a problem first place and how to treat its root. They help you to understand yourself better and learn tools to change your reality.
You can listen to a deep dive into those differences in our podcast: Traditional Therapy vs Coaching & Different Levels of Coaching
LionHeart Tip Most of the coaching services, including LionHeart, offer a free consultation. This is an opportunity for you to check if this is something that will for you. Use this opportunity. You don’t risk anything and you can gain your marriage back.
The Ultimate Marriage Diet
Here are a few bullet points that will make your marriage healthy and thriving:
Ask yourself how would you rate each of those areas? On a scale of 0-10 rate each of them. Is there any area that is below 5?
Even if you gave yourself a high rate there is always a place for improvement. Marriage should be the top priority. It is never too late to improve it. Like with your classic regular diet you can change the health of your marriage.
“Not all problems can be solved, but all problems can be handled” - LionHeart Coach Linda
We know ways to solve any marriage issue in less than 6 months. Instead of treating JUST the symptoms of your marital issues, we dig deeper. We are identifying root issues, dealing with how those issues impacted your marriage, and creating a brand new healthy foundation of coping skills and tools. We provide foundational work, emotional structure and move you up to an incredibly healthy skillset. If those underlying issues continue to lurk in your marriage, your life, you'll be stuck in the same pattern of love. Don't let your past rob you of your future.
At the very end, we would like to share one marriage story of the couple we coached.
Jeremy was married over eight years. By the time he started to work with Dr. John, his wife had said she wanted a divorce. In addition to that, he struggled with other life challenges, depression, anxiety. He felt insecure, incapable of navigating the complexities of even fundamental social interactions. He also struggled with communication with his wife and women in general.
He felt like a victim and did not know how to improve. Jeremy worked with Dr. John for several months. Unlearning habits and patterns that didn't serve him and building foundations for his new skills. He went from helpless to empowered over his life. He realized his potential.
It took a while for Jermey to learn and apply strategies offered by Dr. John, but over time, he managed to rebuild communication with his wife and his family. He realizes that he has more potential than he used to think. As a result, all his social relationships improved.
Jeremy and his wife Kate are celebrating their 10th marriage anniversary this year.
"I am excited to see how much more I can grow with our sessions, and I can't recommend enough John's expertise and deep insight and am grateful to be working with him."
Congratulations to Jeremy!